Guilt and the 80-20 principle

Early Morning.
Finished cooking, packed lunch boxes.
Y went to office early. Gets pickup from a colleague these days.
Getting ready for office.
Need to drop Arya to school.
Need to get him ready.
Arya insists going to potty the same time I have to have a bath!
Does timepass in washroom.
Wastes half an hour doing nothing.
Gets scolded.
I hold him by the shoulders and shake him. (somehow I didn't beat him)
He cries.
I feel guilty for losing cool and I too cry.
Feeling guilty now in office.
Crying so much makes me breathless for rest of the day.
Missing him so much.
Want to go back in time and redo things since morning.
Waiting for the evening.

Need to choose which battles to fight, using the 80-20 principle.
 

An intelligent, loving and a stubborn child - All in one!

Arya has learnt to sing India's National Anthem - 'Jana Gana Mana' in his sweet voice. I must upload the recording somewhere. He says 'Bharat Mata Ki Jai', 'Jai hind' and 'Vande Mataram' with fervour after the anthem is over. He garbles some words or joins a few words together, but overall he is great for a child less than 3 years of age.

He has learnt to stay sweet things to me and Yogesh.
'Majhi mumma avatti' (He wants to say that he loves his mom.)
'Majhi mumma dalin aahe' (My mumma is a darling.)
'Mumma tu god bal aahe' (Mumma you are a sweet baby.)

He has started calling Yogesh 'Pappa ji' and me 'Mummy ji' when he wants to blackmail us. Don't know where he learns these things. No one in my family says ‘Ji’ to anyone!

He has become more caring, and asks me 'Kay Jhala Mumma' (What happened), if I am angry or sulking after a fight with Yogesh. OR if I am feeling down, he says 'Mumma tula balla nahi? Baan lavu tula? (He cannot say Balm and says Baan. He says if you are not well, should I get some ointment for you?)

All that glitters is not gold though. Contrary to this behaviour, there is his other side -

He is becoming increasingly stubborn, and it is becoming tougher for me to discipline him each day. Any kind of explanation, logical reasoning, punishment or beating doesn't work. He gets what he wants.

Mostly he wants me, i.e. my undivided attention and energy to talk to him, play with him, listen to his rhymes and songs, colour the cartoons with him, ride the bike, feed him whatever he likes, take him for a walk ... whoooooooosh.. the list is endless.

He dislikes it if I am working on my laptop, watching TV, making the crochet sweater for
him, or even talking to his dad. Sometimes he holds my head in both his hands and jerks it towards him, bringing his nose close to my nose and saying 'Mumma tu TV nako baghus. Majha tond bagh.' (Dont look at the TV. Look at my face.) OR 'Mumma chal apan doghach ata bolu' (Let's just the two of us talk). Many a times, he just looks lovingly at my face from barely an inch away, not allowing me to look anywhere else!

He jumps on top of both me and Yogesh (mostly me 80% of the time!), punches us, pushes us, and hits us with toys and more.

While most of this is what all kids do, I still am in a fix. After cooking, office, travel and cooking once again, I lose my spirit to even swat a fly off my face by evening. I do not have the strength to play with him or read him stories in animated voices. I still manage to do some of this for a small time every day, but training and disciplining him is not so frequent.  

Is there something that I am doing wrong? I understand that he is growing up and wants focused attention from both of us, given that we are not home for a major part of the day. But we too need some space and time to unwind and relax on reaching home. Someone once told me that kids can be sensitized to their parents’ wellbeing too. Can
this be done? How?

Maybe we need to take it with a pinch of salt and pray for more patience and understanding. Most importantly we need to believe that in future he will be more manageable, and we will have more time and energy.

 

Arya and me at Rugby Resort in Matheran