Kamal maushi.
I don’t know why I suddenly remembered her. I wanted to cook
some rice today and was bored of the usual dal bhat. I was thinking of making some type of rice that won’t have garam masala and that would involve less effort. One such rice was a
simple yellow rice that Kamal maushi used to make, adding onions, green chili and
potatoes. I would come running from school and demand the cooker to be opened
even before it cooled down!
Kamal Maushi was my mom’s elder sister. She was a calm and demure
person, who usually stayed out of crowds and chaos. She was also the only child
out of my grandmothers eight kids who was unmarried. She was thin and had an
average appearance that was accentuated by the fact that she stayed in plain clothes, hid herself from
the family, and felt sad that she was alone in
life.
As a child she helped her mom a lot in their kitchen,
helping to cook a meal for 14 people at least thrice a day. She loved
reading and was sharp in studies but could peruse her academics only till the 9th
standard because her specs broke one day, and her parents didn’t have money to
get a new pair! Kids sacrificed a lot back then! They didn’t mind owning
only a pair of clothes and didn’t mind stitching and wearing the same old ones.
After my granddad passed away and in the years that followed, somehow marriage slipped Kamal maushi and she had to stay
single. She hated it – to be dependent on brothers and
sisters for daily bread and butter. My uncle and others tried but couldn't find the right match for her.
Maushi and Ajji stayed with us for a few years at our Pimpri
house. Although my dad didn’t talk much to them, he didn’t fight or cause
problems to them either. Even then, it was natural for Maushi to feel like she
was imposing her stay. She felt helpless. I rarely saw her laughing and smiling,
but sometimes I caught her laughing when our family used to crack jokes on each
other. She might have be missing this family feeling, but she didn't let us know.
Of all kids (my cousins), I was her special! She knew that I loved garam
garam varan bhat and I loved dal served right after it first comes to a boil!
At
my cousins wedding in Mumbai, among so many guests, relatives and my cousins,
she would find me and serve me the steaming rice and dal! I always thought that I was her only favorite, but later knew better, when my other cousins also narrated such incidents!
As a teenager I wasn't very sensitive to her feelings though. We
didn’t know what she needed, like clothes or wanted to eat something different. I remember that she kept
saying she wanted to eat kebabs and that I should ask my dad to get chicken kheema one day. She said she would make it for all of us. A simple wish! But I was
too involved in my own world. I didn’t know what kheema was and wasn’t interested, so never told my dad. She couldn’t tell anyone herself. So she never had it in
our house.
Mom also said that Maushi mentioned to someone that my mom never
bought a Saree for her while she stayed in our house. My Mom had her own problems
taking care of 3 daughters, balancing her husband’s mind while keeping her
mom and her sister at our place! No one is blame. My mom took care of them for years, provided for them and never ill spoke to them! No matter what we do, we always feel that we could have done more.
Later Maushi moved to my uncle’s empty house with Ajji. One day
she came home to meet us and she showed me a swelling under her ear saying she has
gotten it tested and the results are awaited. She wanted me to say something
but I was shocked! I told her not to worry. That day she also told me that
I should get married someday (In my late 20s I was dead against the idea of a marriage). She told me that marriage was very important in life. It allows you to have someone to take care of you, to rest
your head on someone shoulders, to have kids who will call you mom. She said that she wanted to get married. Her elder sister’s husband had even brought a few
prospects for her but somehow it didn't work out, so she had
declined. She felt that now anyone would have been ok. She told me that parents do not last forever…. I didn’t know what to say.
She was wearing a red saree the day when she was leaving. I went to
the building gate to see her off. I told her to come back again the next week. She replied that she might not get to make it back again. I kept waving
until she turned around the street corner. While waving I sadly thought ‘what
if she really cannot make it to Pimpri the next time’!
I was in final year engineering and had just submitted my
last exam paper in college, when I came to know the diagnosis on phone. She had
limited time with us! I sat there and cried my heart out not knowing what to do.
I didn’t want her to leave us!
We visited her a few times and I was a bit afraid to see her
each time. The illness was taking its toll. I sat near her, talked to her,
avoiding the illness subject. She wanted me to sit near her but I was afraid. It
all feels so foolish now. She might have felt so sad knowing that I was afraid
to look at her. She liked Maggi and my other maushi use to feed it to her (why
not?).
When I was leaving that day, I cried. Does a dying person know that probably
she would see me the last time? From her balcony, did she watch me and my mom
walking to the main gate thinking that this is the final time she can see us?
After a few weeks we got the news that she was no more. All
her sisters, relatives and us cousins were devastated. Funny how you dress a
person in green with all bangles and all after they are no more, while never
giving them the respect a married lady gets their whole lives.
I saw her in my dreams later a couple of times and had asked
her how she was. I also asked her why she was here. No answers…
A pure and a simple soul she was…
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