Migraine and the relationship

I've joined some online migraine support forums. Basically they are ordinary people like me who go through everyday life stress with a chronic illness. I shouldn't call them ordinary people though - they are superheroes. They are doing everything and much more by taking care of their chores and responsibilities while under attack from the monster migraine.

Relationships particularly can be very difficult and if a partner suffers a headache, the other one suffers too - mentally and emotionally. Hence when I came across this link http://migraine.com/blog/spouses-and-migraine-disease/, I could relate so much to this and wanted to share it on my blog too. 

When Yogesh and I had first met, I had discussed my migraine with him clearly, but I'm sure that he didn't know what he was actually getting into. And like the lady in the article, today I do not want to ask him the question that, had he known my migraine better the day we decided to get married, would he have gone ahead with it. I'm afraid of the real answer too.

Yet, I am lucky that Yogesh cares (or sometimes chooses to ignore me altogether) when I am going through another migraine attack. His words 'Take your medicines and go sleep' make the world of difference to me. And being ignored is ok too, as then I don't have to suffer the guilt of making him 'do' stuff for me. Plus he can focus his energies on other work in the house. I know that he gets frustrated sometimes and may speak out once in a while, but that is entirely human. At such times though I feel defensive, I have to make myself let go.


It definately takes an effort to keep the relationship going, and I pray that we don't lose the will to do it.

How to keep dreaming?

Yesterday when I reached home late evening from my work, Yogesh’s face was beaming. He proudly showed me a letter, which was from the University where he had applied for a Ph. D.  It informed him officially that he can pursue the course there. This was great news! The guy works really hard to get what he wants from his career and education.  He travels for his Ph. D. work during the weekends, and goes back to his job again without a days rest. I’m sure he does lot of research on the topic he has chosen. So naturally my heartiest congratulations went to him. Few months back, he got the news that he has cleared the NET exam conducted for teaching faculty. Only top 15% of the candidates across India got certified!

But that got me thinking. He is thinking ahead about ‘his’ life. It was a good thing. I wouldn’t say it was mean or selfish, because you do need to think about your own life. By 'own life', I mean your very own individual life. Not the spouse, not the kid, not your parents, not your house. Just you.

Do I? I’ll tell you what I think. I think about retirement planning, I think about my son’s future big school, his talents, how I would develop them, about my husband’s job, about the interiors in my house... But what about ‘me’ as a person?

I used to dream of being 'somebody' someday. But somehow, after my marriage and childbirth, my dreams took a back seat. I forgot about them. I cannot recall what they were exactly. Self-development? Resolve to keep learning? Jumping higher up on the ladder? Be competitive? Achieve respect? I don’t even remember when I started thinking that it is ok to not know everything. I convinced myself that I just need to learn enough to do my job right. Wrong!

I have not entirely forgotten the fervour that I had started my career with. I was fiercely competitive, and extremely hardworking. Today too I do my job with sincerity and the aim for perfection, but the craze???

I put my singing classes on the backburner too. No one made me do it; I myself couldn’t find the time and energy. If I was so inclined, I would have done something to overcome the hurdles. But here I convinced myself that it was not so important in life. I am to blame.

I have forgotten to put that last ounce of myself in my goals and dreams. I’ve stopped thinking about what I should learn that will take me ahead, and most importantly do what I love to do. All this ranting doesn’t mean that I don’t like what I have got. I have taken these decisions and I don’t regret and blame anyone. Spending time with my family and the office work is rewarding too.

Yet when I saw his letter yesterday, I felt a pang of guilt for something that I didn’t try. Something that I gave up on. Can you be envious of your husband?

Raising a kid and working at an office job is a big juggling activity for any woman. I do all I can to make the best of the time I have at office and at home. In between these two things, I gave up on lots of dreams. Both willingly and unwillingly, but mostly because I felt there were no other options. It was easy to convince myself that they were not important. Wrong!

I know that I should keep dreaming. But how? Should I change my dreams now, or keep the same ones I had? Can I dream of achieving them? Is it right to expect so much out of myself?

Thinking.

 

More time at home and more TV to watch. Here's how.

Arya and I were down with cough and fever the last week, and so I was home since Thursday. It started with Arya 2 weeks back and it was he who infected me by constantly rubbing his face to mine. What can I do? I simply cannot control myself when the kid wants to hug me and kiss me. Cough takes time to fade away so it will be some time before I am ok.

Y has been doing tasks around to make us feel better. Ok, he did them just for me and not Arya. Arya is like Y. He doesn’t demand attention like that. *touchwood* On Friday Y muttered that I do natak when I am not well. By natak he meant that I demand to be pampered (What’s wrong in that??!). After saying that and after the small argument that ensued, he went back to his usual good self. I.e. getting hot water for drinking, taking both of us to the docs, giving us medicines and more!

Other than that, Y made strawberry jelly at home on Thursday. I made home-made orange jam on Friday. On Saturday it was Suran cha vadya in morning and Pithla with Sukat in it in the evening. On Sunday it was Chicken Soup and such.

I will post photos of jam and jelly later - they deserve a separate post.

Stayed indoors all days.

Why live with incompatibility?

Today is not the right day to post this, but this is what I keep thinking about on and off:

Why is it important to live like this for the rest of the live?
Why don't we simply stop over-trying to make things work?
Why do we want everyone else to think that everything is ok?
Why should we always try to make it work somehow?
Why do we always have to wonder what we are missing?
Why can't things be clearer?
Why are we expected to put on a mask?
Why isn't it the right thing to correct a mistake?

Confused..

Recent songs that I like (most are romantic but not all)

Here is a list of recent songs that I have in my playlist as I like them a lot. There are more that I will add to this list. My 'recent' means whenever I get to hear them the first time over radio or if a friend recommends it. It has nothing to do with the music release date.

Jeene laga hoon - Ramayyia Vastavaiyaa
Ban ke Titli - Chennai Express
Thalaiva - Chennai Express
1 2 3 4 - Chennai Express
Balam pichkari - Ye jawani hai dewaani
Dilli wali girlfriend - "
Kabira - "
Tum hi ho - Aashiqui2
Chahu main yaa naa - Aashiqui2
Sun raha hai na tu - Aashiqui2
Tu rang sharbaton ka - Phata poster nikla hero
Jee le jara - Talash
Chalao na naino se baan re - Bol Bachchan
Tere mast mast do nain - Dabang
Sanwar lu - Lootere
Kitne dafe dil ne kaha - Tanu weds manu
Chori kiya re jiya - Dabang

So, How was your weekend?

Friend: "How was your weekend, Kavita?”

Me (in my mind): "You must have gone sightseeing / to movies / to the restaurants /
visited friends / did loads of shopping right?

Me (aloud): It was ok. What did you do?

Do they ask that question so they can tell us what they did? Very few friends ask it with true intention in mind – i.e. to know how you were. Isn't that true?

Anyway, I don’t mind the question and I am ok with listening to stories. I do not feel guilty or miserable listening to them as my priorities are different.

My usual weekend is, taking care of pending house work, giving undivided attention to Arya who has not had enough of me throughout the week, watching some TV, reading books, going down in the parking for a walk, but majorly, cooking something out of the ordinary for the family. This list would match that of many other parents’ like me.

This weekend Y and me cooked (Biyancha Bhaat, Sambar, Bangda Fry, Thalipeeth, etc.) combining Saturday and Sunday.

This weekend Y was a darling. *Touchwood* Was this an after-effect of him reading my last post? I'm wondering. He had a hectic week in office from the 1^st of Feb due to events in the college, but on Friday he came home early. I too went early from work, to discover a box of pizza in the house, for me! Surprise! I loved it! And apparently Arya did to, since he too pounced on it. Sometimes I don’t like sharing. Really.

After that we went to ....wait...brace for impact...sit on a chair and hold it tight.......
 


 
Buy a cool, new, Smartphone for me!
 


 
Yea! I bought my first smartphone. My very own Samsung Galaxy Grand Quattro in Black. Y was very happy buying it for me, and wanted me to start using it right away. I wanted to keep it aside for a few more days. I'm a cheapo that way.

On hearing of the purchase and receiving my Whatsapp message (is it Watsapp or Whatsapp???? whatever), my sister couldn't believe it. Mani thinks that I still light the fire with stones. I do think that Whatsapp is cool but not indispensable and it is addictive. I’m planning to use it with some judgement.

After the purchase, Y said we can buy a stand for keeping utensils in the kitchen. We did, and it has organized the kitchen a lot. Until we invest big money in a modular kitchen, this item would do.

Arya loved helping us by moving items in the kitchen and living area. He is a busy kid. I gave him a big bag of onions and garlic to keep in the balcony. We do that to dry them a little, so they don’t spoil. Arya had to run from kitchen to balcony holding a few each time. It kept him busy.

There are a lot of smaller but amazing things we did during the weekend at home. I taught Arya where his rung was in the shoe rack. Now he keeps his chappals just there! BTW Arya has stopped using diapers too, all of his own accord. He assured me and Y that it’s not required. *I’m keeping my fingers crossed*

I digress. This weekend was amazing, and I have received amazing news now, that Y has cleared a major exam. Yay!

The irony is that no one has asked me today how my weekend was!

Lesson learnt - Ask the question yourself when you have so much to tell! Right!

 

Why do I like an outing or a weekend chillin'-out with a toddler?

Y doesn't seem to have much time for outings with me and Arya due to his over-zealous work ethics, or maybe just the lack of desire to go out. So instead of waiting around and mopping for all the lost time and weekends gone waste, I've started going out with the other guy I love – Arya. And on a few occasions - my parents.

Arya is increasingly becoming my favourite outing companion. He doesn't ask me questions like -

·         "Why do we have to go that far, when we can go here?" (Why a mall when we can go to the dukaan-vala? Why the Zoo when we can go to a garden in our society?)

·         "Can we go later?" (To make sure that I forget it.)

·         "Let's eat at home and then leave" (So we don't have to spend time eating out. And save bucks!)

·         "Do you need to buy it when you already have XYZ blah blah blah?"

Arya loves to go wherever I take him, be it a local grocery shop or a mall. He eats whatever food we buy and wherever we buy it (*touchwood*), loves it when I shop for myself or the family. I can try on clothes and show them to him. He says things like 'Mumma tu hey ghe'/'Mumma tu chhan distey'/'Boo-te-fool aahe vah vah mumma' (Mumma buy this/you look good/It's very beautiful.)

He dances to songs being played in malls like Central (CenTRRRal), Pantaloons, CCD or Barista. He doesn’t want me to hurry up and go home. He likes to hold my hand while shopping, and hug me when he feels like! (Y this is for you!)

He is also a great companion in the car, talking all the way, offering kiddie suggestions for kiddie issues, listening to songs and singing them, etc. He insists on being strapped with the seat belt each time he sits inside. If I say ‘khup traffic aahe aaj Arya’, he says ‘halu halu jau mumma’ or ‘kay kalaycha mumma? Khup taffic aahe!’

Some problems I face when I am out alone with Arya are that I have to make sure he stays within my sight, and I’ve to carry all the bags plus hold his hand. If he is hungry, thirsty or tired, I have to make sure he gets attention immediately, else it becomes difficult. The solution is to prepare beforehand or to make short trips.

Two other key issues are that I have to drive, and I have to spend from my pocket :). Y has an upper hand here.

With my mom and dad I've recently been to Khadakwasala Dam, MTDC Karla, Vashi at Mani's place, and Matheran with Mani's family. Missed Y in these trips but such is life. They are great company too. They keep talking a lot, making sure there is no silence during the journey or wherever we reach. Arya loves their company and I can relax a bit with them.

Some pics to remember.

Arya and dad at Khadakwasala dam in Pune (Aug2013)

Arya and me enjoying Camel ride at Khadakwasala dam in Pune (Aug2013)

Arya and me enjoying Camel ride at Khadakwasala
dam in Pune (Aug2013)



Arya, me, mom, maushi at Khadakwasala
dam in Pune (Aug2013)
 

Arya enjoying boat ride at MTDC resort
Karla, Pune (Nov2013)



Arya hungry at MTDC resort Karla,
Pune (Nov2013)



Arya talking to ducks at MTDC resort
Karla, Pune (Nov2013)



MTDC Karla resort layout (Nov2013)



Dad, mangal, Arya, mom at MTDC Karla



Me and Arya at Charlotte lake in Matheran (Dec2013)






Arya, Dad, Mom at Rugby resort in
Matheran (Dec2013)








Me, Arya, Dad, horseriding in
Matheran (Dec2013)





Remembering...

Remembering the tiny, yet a bright spark that lit the lives around it ever so briefly.

Diwali and Birthday 2013

Yes, it is too late to post for Diwali time but just wanted to keep this saved somewhere. Hence writing. This time had a rocking Diwali, and a lukewarm birthday.

Made lots of faral for Diwali like Chaklis, Chiwda, Khaare-Shankarpale, Rava Ladoos, and Shev. Did lighting in terrace. Lit crackers (lesser this time as Arya hates noise.) Arya too enjoyed holding the sparkler with Yogesh. Got the polluting Red and Green ones.. Will not get them next time. Laboured a lot on Rangoli this time too. I even drew a Chhota Bheem Rangoli at home with a message "Happy Diwali to Arya". Arya kept hovering around me until it was done and loved it a lot!
 

Got a cute dress for Arya. Didn't buy a Diwali dress for myself as Y wasn't in the mood (the usual).

Birthday was ok-ok. Usually, I over-expect during birthdays and get disappointed at the end of the day. This time I hardly had any expectations and it went as I expected i.e. nothing was too amazing. 

Yes, I pestered Y to get me something from the jewelle
r, and he did! I cut a cake in office and at home with Arya. Very low key... 

Guilt and the 80-20 principle

Early Morning.
Finished cooking, packed lunch boxes.
Y went to office early. Gets pickup from a colleague these days.
Getting ready for office.
Need to drop Arya to school.
Need to get him ready.
Arya insists going to potty the same time I have to have a bath!
Does timepass in washroom.
Wastes half an hour doing nothing.
Gets scolded.
I hold him by the shoulders and shake him. (somehow I didn't beat him)
He cries.
I feel guilty for losing cool and I too cry.
Feeling guilty now in office.
Crying so much makes me breathless for rest of the day.
Missing him so much.
Want to go back in time and redo things since morning.
Waiting for the evening.

Need to choose which battles to fight, using the 80-20 principle.
 

An intelligent, loving and a stubborn child - All in one!

Arya has learnt to sing India's National Anthem - 'Jana Gana Mana' in his sweet voice. I must upload the recording somewhere. He says 'Bharat Mata Ki Jai', 'Jai hind' and 'Vande Mataram' with fervour after the anthem is over. He garbles some words or joins a few words together, but overall he is great for a child less than 3 years of age.

He has learnt to stay sweet things to me and Yogesh.
'Majhi mumma avatti' (He wants to say that he loves his mom.)
'Majhi mumma dalin aahe' (My mumma is a darling.)
'Mumma tu god bal aahe' (Mumma you are a sweet baby.)

He has started calling Yogesh 'Pappa ji' and me 'Mummy ji' when he wants to blackmail us. Don't know where he learns these things. No one in my family says ‘Ji’ to anyone!

He has become more caring, and asks me 'Kay Jhala Mumma' (What happened), if I am angry or sulking after a fight with Yogesh. OR if I am feeling down, he says 'Mumma tula balla nahi? Baan lavu tula? (He cannot say Balm and says Baan. He says if you are not well, should I get some ointment for you?)

All that glitters is not gold though. Contrary to this behaviour, there is his other side -

He is becoming increasingly stubborn, and it is becoming tougher for me to discipline him each day. Any kind of explanation, logical reasoning, punishment or beating doesn't work. He gets what he wants.

Mostly he wants me, i.e. my undivided attention and energy to talk to him, play with him, listen to his rhymes and songs, colour the cartoons with him, ride the bike, feed him whatever he likes, take him for a walk ... whoooooooosh.. the list is endless.

He dislikes it if I am working on my laptop, watching TV, making the crochet sweater for
him, or even talking to his dad. Sometimes he holds my head in both his hands and jerks it towards him, bringing his nose close to my nose and saying 'Mumma tu TV nako baghus. Majha tond bagh.' (Dont look at the TV. Look at my face.) OR 'Mumma chal apan doghach ata bolu' (Let's just the two of us talk). Many a times, he just looks lovingly at my face from barely an inch away, not allowing me to look anywhere else!

He jumps on top of both me and Yogesh (mostly me 80% of the time!), punches us, pushes us, and hits us with toys and more.

While most of this is what all kids do, I still am in a fix. After cooking, office, travel and cooking once again, I lose my spirit to even swat a fly off my face by evening. I do not have the strength to play with him or read him stories in animated voices. I still manage to do some of this for a small time every day, but training and disciplining him is not so frequent.  

Is there something that I am doing wrong? I understand that he is growing up and wants focused attention from both of us, given that we are not home for a major part of the day. But we too need some space and time to unwind and relax on reaching home. Someone once told me that kids can be sensitized to their parents’ wellbeing too. Can
this be done? How?

Maybe we need to take it with a pinch of salt and pray for more patience and understanding. Most importantly we need to believe that in future he will be more manageable, and we will have more time and energy.

 

Arya and me at Rugby Resort in Matheran

Silly Superstitions

I am superstitious. At least at my convenience. Here’s a new belief that I have cultivated over this weekend.

“Whenever I make some delicious recipe that is just out of a glossy booklet or from online, I and my husband have a huge fight”. The fight need not be over the food. It could be anything.

The first time this happened, I had made some potato cheese balls at home which were absolutely amazing. After a lot of hard work, when I finally put these to the table, my husband wouldn’t taste it. I think he was angry over the guests in my house who were gossiping. Nevertheless, it made my efforts seem irrelevant. And the rest was history.

The second time, he had to suddenly go to the office when I was in the middle of preparing ‘Microwave Roasted Stuffed Capsicum’ for lunch. It turned to be delicious. Arya and I loved it. But my husband came home at 9 pm and we fought even before he saw the food. The whole food had anyway become so cold by dinner time that I lost all interest in serving it. He was too tired or angry to even comment about it.

Another such superstition that I have is about carrying non-veg food in my car. When I was a learner, I drove my car for many months carefully and there was no incidence of damage to external or internal life and property. There were just few minor scratches. However there was this once when I made fried fish for my entire team. I was carrying it in a container to office, when a car slammed on to my car from the rear. For no fault of mine. Literally. I was stationary at the time of the accident. I hope this was just a one-off thing and doesn’t repeat itself, because I know I will have to carry non-veg food someday in my car.

But wait, was this again because of some food item that I made? Should I stay away from making dishes that could win me compliments? I did receive lot of compliments for the fish. Thinking…

Additionally, there are a lot of secret superstitions that I have involving some small and big things, to bring good luck. (I cannot discuss them, because I believe talking about them would jinx them.) Even though I want to be perceived as a practical and a logical person, I don't want to put these beliefs to test.

Why take a chance? Right?

Ganesh Festival and the Nostalgia!

I love festivities, especially the ones that go on for a longer time like Ganesh festival, Navratris, Diwali, Christmas and even Ramadan. It feels like the whole city gets charged up - lively, and bright.

Ganesh festival came with the usual fervour this time too. There were huge stalls and pandals selling Ganesh idols in various colours, designs and sizes. E.g. Ganesh sitting on his parent’s lap, Ganesh studying for IIT, Ganesh dancing on Kalia naag and more. There were lines and lines of shops selling decorative items like paper mandirs (called Makhars in Marathi), lighting strings, buntings, small LED lights and such, so that you can get your Ganesh home to a beautifully decorated place. There were shops selling puja items too. Above all, there was always a crowd of people before every shop and stall selecting their Ganpati, choosing the right decorations, buying last minute puja items. A walk on the street didn’t seem like a hectic task but a pleasure.

Being a true Punekar, I love Dhol-Tasha too. Even before the festival begins, lots of groups practice these drums in schools and playgrounds. If you stand close to the drum beats, you experience heavy thudding in your heart with every beat. You begin to anticipate and also know correctly when the next Tasha or Dhol will strike. I enjoy this feeling.

People brought their Bappa home, covered in a white cloth, while shouting ‘Ganpati bappa morya’! Small kids were running in circles around the person carrying the idol.

When I was a kid, my friend and neighbour Seema would bring Ganpati at home. I and my sisters would try to help out with decorations if needed (so many kids create more nuisance than help.) I got to learn so many Aarti’s by attending the morning and evening prayers during those 10 days for about 15 years. I can still remember her mom singing Aarti’s, while I and Seema read them out from a booklet. The Prasad was always delicious, and my mom would sometimes sponsor it too.

After I got married, I attended Ganpati celebrations each year at my friend Aarti’s place, who was also my neighbour. She involved me in decorations, getting the Ganpati home, help in making Prasad (rarely), singing Aarti’s, immersion processions, etc. Yogesh and I even led a prayer at their home once.

This year, I was missing Ganpati celebration a lot as I had shifted to my new house across the city. I couldn’t go to Aarti tai’s place, and really wanted to give Prasad to God, but didn’t know how. I wanted Arya to see the puja and decorations too.

We took Arya to see Ganpati pandals in our locality. We saw immersions happening on the 7th day at a river nearby, the people dancing, drums, etc.

I began missing the childhood and past days even more. It was the 9^th day… just 1 more day to go.

That was when I got a call from another friend – Sarita. She had a Satya-Narayan puja at her home, and a Ganpati that they would immerse in the afternoon. The best thing was that I was invited for the Puja! And she even called us for lunch.

We went to her place yesterday morning. The Ganpati idol, lighting and decoration were simply amazing. I could do the puja and give Prasad to God. Arya could see the Bappa at home. The lunch was delicious – a menu of puran-poli, amti, bhajji, papad, chapati, varan bhaat! Yogesh, me and Arya ate till we were stuffed. We enjoyed every moment!

Somehow Ganpati knew my small wish and fulfilled it through my friend. This year I realised that more than my fascination for the festival, I felt the need to be there.

Ganpati bappa morya!

I spent the evening watching the immersion procession and dhol-tasha performances on TV.

It’s school time for Arya - 2

Arya’s first day in the school. 

Arya was very excited to go to school, mainly because he wanted to wear the new dress, carry the new bag, wear socks and the new floaters! There was even a new lunch box!

I was concerned though. I had read so much about separation anxiety.
What if he couldn't open his lunch box? (I should have taught him to do it at home.) How would he eat?
Would he be able to find his new sipper and drink water from it? (This was the new non-spill sipper I had got for him to ensure the water doesn't spill in his bag.)
What if his diaper gets dirty and no one checks?
What if he doesn’t like the other kids? What if the kids hit him?

On the big day, we got him ready. He looked like a very seedha-sadha bachcha, a first bencher type. Yogesh and I carried him to the school. When we reached there, Arya saw so many kids cry while their parents went back from the gates. That was when he got the hang of the situation. He hadn't expected this. He cried when they took him inside, 'Aye mumma, aye mumma, tu ye tu ye'... (Mom you too come inside).  The whole building was full of screaming kids! We waited outside the building for about 5 mins and went back home.
When he came back, Arya was very happy and excited to see us. He was jumping around and talking a lot.

‘Sonu, kuthe gela hota’ (Where did you go?)

‘Kool madhe gela hota’ (I had gone to the school)

‘Kay kela school madhe?’ (What did you do in the school?)

‘Cycle khel-la’ (I played with the bike)

This continued for a few days. As long as I or Yogesh dropped him, he was happy to go. He even ate his dabba (pohe, upma, alu-paratha) and drank water. He told us every day that he played cycle in the school. There was no mention at all, of what the school teacher taught him that day. 

Within a few days we saw some progress, as he began to sing Alphabet song and some other rhymes in his usual style - missing a few words and combining some to form new ones! He sang the tune perfectly though. We still encourage him by singing along with him and clapping when he finishes a rhyme.

All was going well until there were changes in Yogesh's office time and my office hours increased. To top it off, Arya's regular class teacher changed too...

To be continued...

It’s school time for Arya - 1

(This is an article I wanted to write in July but have written and posted it now.)

Preface – Expect the unexpected.

I was in the middle of my busy work day when I got an SMS from Arya’s would-be play-school, and quite unexpectedly, I felt a slight twinge in my heart. What? So soon??!!!

I was aware that the school would send some communication to parents few days before it starts. The message was to inform parents about an orientation meeting and its date. Parents would get to know the teachers, get the allotted school bags for kids, have their kids measured for uniforms, etc.

I have spent most of the last month telling Arya - ‘Sonu, ata school aahe pudhcha mahinya pasun. Tu janal na?’ (He had no idea but replied.) ‘Haaa’

Yet I felt a little sad when I got the SMS. It was because now my baby who would stay home for the whole day playing around had grown up just a tiny bit. He would be leaving home for few hours and not be around us. I curtailed this emotion with thoughts like - it is just playschool, it is only for a few hours, and I didn’t even need to send him there every day!

I attended the orientation meeting with Arya, wondering how he would take it, cause he hadn’t been away from home without one of us around. When we entered the compound, we saw some bikes for kids. Arya sat on a green one that was the most attractive. Since then I didn’t have to bother looking at him for the rest of my time there!

He didn’t come upstairs with me to the meeting. Other teachers kept an eye on kids playing in the compound. I was proved wrong. He didn’t mind being around other kids if there are enough bikes around. The meeting lasted for 1.5 hour and I was worried - What if he falls? What if someone pushes him? What if he wants me and couldn’t find me? I came down to see Arya happily playing on the same bike! He didn’t even want us to go back home… I had to drag him out!

 

To be continued…

Ladoos, cakes, barfis, gembs and such

Arya wants more and more of taboo stuff these days, thanks to my parents! Just like ideal parents would want to, I and Yogesh had kept Arya away from Maggi, Gems, chocolates, cakes, sweet-shops etc. Sadly, my mom thinks he has become too thin. Of course he doesn't want to eat healthy home cooked meals much. My parents feel utter pity on Arya due to our cruelty. They think we keep our child hungry.

Whatever. Few times I did allow my dad to get him barfi, ladoos, cakes, etc., and since then a lot has changed.

Gembs:

Well, my dad gave him Gems one day, and Arya's tiny world was awed by the beautiful coloured buttons! He would say to me 'Gembs aan (Bring gembs)'. If I would go down to the shop or office or even to throw garbage, he would yell 'Gembs!!!!!!'

“Mummy bhuk lagali” (Mom I am hungry)

“Kay deu? Chapa-bhaji deu?” (What should I give you? Let me give you chapatti and veg)

“Nako chapa… (pause)…Mummy bhuk lagali. Mala gemb de” (I don’t want chapatti and veg. I am hungry. Give me gems.)

“Shonu, aplya kale gembs nahi aahet gharat” (we don’t have Gems at home)

(Some crying)

“Mummy chal maha gembs aan” (lets go to the Mahalaxmi grocery shop below to get Gems)

“Shonu pan sagle paise sampale! Ata kasa anaycha Gembs” (All money is over. How would we buy gems now?)

(Thinking)

“Papa fone kal” (call dad. Sometimes it is a call to mom.)

 Few times we say that some distant relative is going to get it next time they come. He does keep it in his mind and if by chance they do come to our place, that’s the first thing he demands from them.

Maggi:

Another thing he began to love is Maggi. (Ok I used to eat Maggi in front of him, but never gave him!) So now I have successfully converted the appearance of real Maggi to homemade Shevai i.e. semolina in his eyes. No, he doesn't eat it like Maggi. He hates it. He likes pasta though. And we make it once in a few months.

Chiula (chiwda/farsan):

My sister (Namita) and her hubby got Lonavala chiwda a few times, and of course my dad did too. Till date Arya eats at least a few morsels every day. Once he begins, he never looks up from the small plate. One should never try to pick up chiwda from his plate!

"Mummy mala bhuk lagali"

"Thamb valan-bhaat dete." (Wait I’ll give you dal and rice)

"Mala nako valan-bhaat." (I don’t want dal-rice.)

"Mummy mala bhuk lagali. Mala chiula de" (Mom I am hungry. I want chiwda.)

Chockate (chocolate):

He does eat actual chocolates once in a while but for him the real chocolate is the jelly chocolate that we get in Khandala. Again my sister's hubby (Sudhir Bhauji) gets it without fail for him. These jelly sweets come in a bat shaped case and Arya loves it too. He eats jelly chocolates one after another. We try to limit him to 4 in one go and once in few days. We keep trying.

Pasta:

He likes the SunFeast pasta too much! I like it too. He sits with folded lap like one would for a puja, and finishes a fair share. We make it once in 3 or 4 months.

Ladoos:

Finally, the ladoos have really harassed me. He sees Chhota Bheem eating it and asks me to get them. I got motichoor ladoos one day, but he refused to touch them after tasting them. Once my neighbour gave 2 ladoos from her bro's wedding and Arya devoured them! So like a smitten mother, I made rava ladoos at home. And yet again, he didn't touch them.

Few weeks back Arya and me had gone to my mom’s place and she gave a Rava ladoo to him. He ate it like he wasn't fed ever! I asked mom to give few for carrying with me. He finished them and since then demands for them every day. Our excuses are that Guddi (Arya's nickname for my mom) will get them next time. Or we will go to sweet shop in the evening, or we don't have at home and we don’t have money left. He cries or talks to Guddi on phone so that she can send them.

We know such junk food should not be eaten by him and we avoid to a large extent. Still, he is just a kid with developing taste buds and it is a huge task to keep him away from all this! We try...

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Update: Finally, Guddi made ladoos and got them yesterday! They were made at Mani maushi’s place and sent for him. Arya saw Guddi and Baba at the door yesterday and did a big dance, running around the house with hands up in the air, and flinging himself on the sofa with happiness. All the time he was yelling yey, yey! He saw the ladoos and gobbled one right away! It was fun to see his mouth full and smeared by the rava.

I can rest in peace from the other demands for a few days until the ladoos get over!

Fast forward...Arya's artwork

Arya has begun to go to playschool. There were a lot of articles that I wanted to write before this one but didn't get time. I will write about Arya's experience in the school and his activities later.

Meanwhile, here are the masterpieces he created within 2-3 weeks after the school started.

The cut-outs are given by school.

The teddy on the left is a head-band with strips behind. It is colored with a green crayon.
The doll on the right is a wall hanging that was finger painted in red dots. Her hair is colored with brown crayon. (He colored it well without going out of the borders).

I had pinned these in my office cubicle for a day.

 

They made the kids tear paper too, which is fun!

 

This also looks like fun! Got these two papers in office to show around!

 

 

 

Finally and unfortunately, I see Aura

Today i.e. the 12th of June 2013 at 9. 30am I had my first migraine attack with an Aura.

It was just an ordinary morning with no prior migraine symptoms. But when I walked on my office floor, I suddenly realised that the lower half of my left eye went blur and there were squiggly and wavy lines in it. The center of my right eye also had these wavy lines. It was like looking through a semi-transparent/patterned glass. 

I couldn't read names on my mobile handset or see faces of people clearly. Thinking that this was another of a low BP symptom, I ran to eat breakfast in a fearing that I will faint. I had almost fainted once in my college and didn't want to do it in office. I drank a can of slice and ate a big dosa. 

Just to make sure nothing serious would happen, I went to the doctor in my company. He told me what I already was suspecting, that this could be happening due to migraine. He however didn't rule out the Low BP bit as it was low too. So, the Rx was rest and eat a lot and drink sweet stuff. 

I took some tablets and slept there for about 1 hour. The headache was very mild but the aura was really frightening. It lasted till 12.30pm, after which I was ok. 

During the whole episode, I was feeling dizzy, confused and lost.  I felt like I was about to pass out or become blind. Or like I had some grave problem in my eyes - like you know something big. I tried reaching people from my family, so someone could get me home, but they couldn't.

I am not sure if this is the peak of the migraine that I am suffering from since many years now. I only hope I don't get such auras again.

Wanted to note this down as it might help someone somewhere reading this and it will help me recollect the symptomps later.
 

"That's The Way It Is" - Celine Dion

This is one of my favorite songs by Celine Dion. So meaningful... and such beautifully sung!


"That's The Way It Is"
Artist: Celine Dion

I can read your mind and I know your story
I can see what you're going through
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you

Don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if you stick together
You're gonna find a way, yeah

So don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrow
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all, all

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

That's the way it is
That's the way it is, babe
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is.